Borrowed Time

You know how someone will have a near-death experience, or survive something they "shouldn't have", and then they'll say that they're living on borrowed time?

I've decided that's silly. Not because that person isn't living on borrowed time, but because in reality we ALL are living on borrowed time.

The last few months I've been searching my soul. I don't mean that to sound tacky, it's just the truth. I've re-written attitudes and ways of being. And I've done it nearly effortlessly, if you can call a major change in attitudes and behavior "effortless." I've done it without complaint, and I guess that's what I mean by effortless.

One of the concepts I've been focusing on is charity and service. I need more charity (that is SO obvious, if you know me), and I want to fill my life with more service. Not cheesy service. And it doesn't even have to take a ton of time. Just wanting to do the right things at the right time. Wanting to go and do what the Lord wants me to do. No complaining. No questions asked. Just DO it. No excuses.

And this has made me think about borrowed time. There was a long period in my life where my time was MY time. I didn't want to do a lot of service, or give someone a ride to church, or whatever, cause it would be inconvenient. It would take time. It would stress me out or make me bitter. And I didn't want Rob to do a lot of service, either. I needed him HOME. Life was all about me and my needs. "YOU'VE got problems? Let me TELL you about my problems. Yeah, that's right. I don't want to hear it."

It's not like we weren't serving. Rob was (and still is) giving hours and hours and hours each week to the Bishopric, and I had (and still have) a calling. Not to mention the small children we're trying to bring up right. We were dedicated. We were diligent. And we didn't have any more time to give than we were already giving. I need time to live my life, too!

And that's where the paradigm shift happened for me: This isn't MY time. It's the Lord's time. He's letting me borrow it.

And suddenly the time it takes to serve isn't inconvenient or cutting into my day: the time I get to live "my" life is a gift. Serving the Lord CHEERFULLY is what I need to do so that I can truly turn my life over to Him. So that I can be at peace.

Each new thing I embark on now, each new task I take upon myself, seems easy to do. When objections arise, I wave them off. If those objections persist, I stare them down, and they lower their heads in shame and walk away.

My new mantra has become: "The time has passed." Way too much time has passed, in fact. Too much time of me sitting in self-pity or apathy. Me focused on me. Too many excuses have been used. Too many times have I said, "I have lots of time to do that, so I'll do it later" or, "Someone else is better able to take care of this," or, "I'm doing good things already," or the million other sad sorry excuses I've employed.

No more. The time has passed. I'm living on borrowed time. And I know that I need Him to be in control of that time.