Election Confession

Yesterday I dutifully went to the polls, filled out my ballot, and turned it in.  A nice older woman thanked me for voting as she offered me a sticker.  I said, "Yeah.  Whatever."  This year no one should thank me for voting.

Rob and I moved to Ohio in the summer of 2004, just in time to vote in an election where our voice actually mattered.  Before then we'd lived in Utah, which is crimson on the policitcal spectrum.  No need to bother voting there.  So when we moved to Ohio we were excited, optimistic, and eager to learn about the candidates and issues and then go vote responsibly.  I quickly decided that being informed was difficult, but well worth it.  I promised myself that I would always care deeply and vote consciously.

That resolve was doomed to fail.  I should have known that about myself.  I should have seen the truth well before I made the personal promise. 

The 2012 election season killed my political insides.  Not only am I older and more skeptical, not only have I always been politically disillusioned, but I also live in Ohio, which was the Swingiest State of All this time.  The state that got all the attention. 

You guys who live in Blue or Red states, you don't know how lucky you have it. 

I didn't want to vote.  I probably wouldn't have even gone in if my local school district didn't have a levy on the ballot.  But they did, and no matter how I feel about politics, I care about that.  So I went.  I thought about voting for only that issue and none of the others.  I thought about voting for President, then the school levy, and none of the others.  But I couldn't do it.  I had to vote for them all.

This was my first time voting Angry.  It's when you go like this:  "Two guys on the ballot.  I've heard this guy's name more.  I'm voting for the other guy.  Next, three guys on the ballot.  That one sent me so much nasty junk mail.  That other one had a sign when I walked in.  I'm voting for the third guy, the one I've never heard of."

I voted straight Other Guy.

The issues weren't any better.  I voted, "Hell, no, you can't have my money.  What are you going to do with it anyway?  Leave me alone!" The only exception was that school levy.

I'm not proud of the way I voted.  I'm just saying that's how it went. 

Before 2016 I'm moving to another state.  Red or Blue, I don't care which.  Just some place where my vote doesn't matter.

Amen!

I have just received news of such magnitude that my faith in humanity is restored.  I know that the world still has good in it.

Glenn Beck is leaving Fox.

Sweet goodness!  The world is not fully insane.

Love That Talk

I'll just be honest here and say that President Packer's talk ticked me off.  I was so mad that I basically didn't listen to the rest of Conference.  His talk spoiled it for me.

To some people, this clearly makes me an apostate.  And if that's what it makes me, I'm okay with that.  But I DON'T think it makes me an apostate.  I feel no need to defend my position, but I would like to put down some thoughts on this issue.

In 2008 I posted a Facebook note about Prop 8, after Prop 8 was over and done with.  I thought it was an innocuous statement (something like:  "I'm in favor of gay marriage and I'm a Mormon, and I think that's okay"), and generally it was well received.  I strive for middle ground when I discuss this issue.  Mostly I say things like, "This is a hard topic," cause it is a hard topic.  People making it an easy topic frustrates me.  I've spent hours and hours thinking about this issue, agonizing over it, and respectfully discussing it.  I still can't find the easy answer.

I learned from my Facebook note that I shouldn't ever again make a politically-angled innocuous note on Facebook.  I was "turned in," if you will.  That's wrong on so many levels, and I'm not going into that.  Fortunately things ended well enough, but I was still upset about it, I realized, even almost a year later.

I bring this up to highlight the fact that this has been an on-going issue for me.  I have a dear friend who is gay and a member of the church, and I believe that it only takes knowing ONE such individual--who is trying with all their might to be righteous and good, who is praying to be changed, who is serving a mission and keeping himself in line, who is hoping that God will have mercy and take away his "problem"--to make you seriously question whether ANYONE would choose to be gay.  If it was a choice, wouldn't it be easier to choose something else?  Again, nothing's easy about this subject.

There are studies ...  But Mormon's don't care about studies.

There are NICE talks by General Authorities, even Apostles, about this topic.  Elder Oaks in particular has a good talk or two where he is soft and takes a middle ground position.  (I found this one by typing it "Oaks" and "homosexuality" into lds.org's search engine.)  But Packer's is the latest, so people latched onto it.  Packer wasn't nice or soft.  He wasn't looking for any middle ground.  He wasn't saying, "We don't know what causes homosexuality."  He said, in essence, "You can change if you pray hard enough."  He sent the message, "You weren't born with it, it's a choice, so stop choosing and get with the program."  And, worst of all he said (and this one is a REAL quote now), "Why would God do that to anyone?"

The Church has done some serious backpedaling since Packer's talk.  I wish people knew that so I didn't have to hear teacher-led gay bashing in Gospel Doctrine class.  I wish they knew that the Church changed some of Packer's words for the talk that will appear in the Ensign, and completely removed the most offensive quote that I just cited (you can already read the slightly changed version on the Church's website).  I wish they knew that the Church did an official press release with a much softer take.  And most of all I wish they knew that Uchtdorf gave a talk this last Sunday AGAIN giving the soft answer.

I don't know why President Packer felt compelled to say what he did.  I don't know why he had to be mean-spirited about it.  I don't like feeling ostricized because I feel that this is a complicated topic, and I don't need to hear that if I was more righteous I'd be totally on board with Packer's message.  Uchtdorf isn't on board with Packer's message, either, and I think he's pretty righteous.

I'd like to tell people to back off.  But then I swallow my pride.  We're all just trying to do what is right, and we're all trying to decide for ourselves what Right is.  I can respect that.

Stolen Quote #18

Inspired by Glenn Beck's recent statements, I found this stolen quote:

"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint.
When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist."

said by Dom Helder Camara (1909 - 1999), archbishop of Recife. 

find it here

Obama and Bob

Maybe this has been said before, but I just noticed, while reading a children's book to my kids, that Obama stole his catchphrase from Bob the Builder.

"Can we build it?"
"YES, WE CAN!"

Just saying.

My Grandpa Works at Kroger

Rob and I went to Kroger, our local grocery store, by ourselves. That hardly ever happens, but my Dad was at home guarding the kids, so we went on a short "date."

We bought peppers and lettuce and dinner rolls and other various things, and headed for the check out. The line was short and soon we were standing in front of the cashier.

Normally when I'm at the store, I've taken in my surroundings in the check out line. For a few reasons:
1 - I'm trying to ignore my children and keep my sanity amidst their shouts for candy.
2 - I'm checking out the magazine racks. You have to keep your eyes moving quick if you want to see the latest headlines about Jon Bonet's killer and Jen's baby news and Brad and Angelina's relationship woes. It's my 3 minutes of celebrity gossip--about all I can stand.
3 - I'm trying to assess how quickly the bagger is going, so I know how quick I'll be out of the store. I'm not picky about the baggers being fast, I just want to know so that I know how long I have to keep my children at bay.
4 - I'm looking for objects that would be easy to shove into pockets, and I'm watching my children's hands in relation to those objects and their pockets.

But my children weren't with me. And my husband was. So I was chatting with Rob and being friendly with the cashier. Watching the items I'd purchased to make sure the right prices rang up (do I normally care? No. Just get me out of the store!). And then I turned and saw the bagger.

And I froze.

There was my grandpa, more than 10 years passed, bagging my groceries.

I just stared at him. He was probably in his late 70's, had thin white hair, his nametag said Richard, and in general he had nothing in common with my grandpa. Except for his hands. His hands shook.

It's hard to describe that shaking. But I know it from my childhood. By the time I came along, my grandpa was an old man. As long as I'd existed, his hands shook. And I hated it. I held those hands SO TIGHT, trying to make them stop shaking. It never worked. And I would wake up some mornings and my hands would be shaky and I would be so afraid, thinking my hands would now always shake. Just like Grandpa's.

And suddenly, in the middle of Kroger, I was that 9-year-old little girl, trying to stop the shaking. I looked at Richard, and my heart ached. It ached because I couldn't stop my grandpa from dying, and because I still miss him. It ached because, for a moment, Richard WAS my grandpa. And, damn it, my grandpa should NOT be working as a bagger at Kroger.

I wanted to grab Richard and say, "Don't you have a son you can live with? Can no one take care of you? Does no one love you?" I wanted to offer to love him. I wanted to take him home right then and give him a place to stay. To offer him my home, my food, and my care.

It took Richard a while to bag everything, and we had to wait an extra few seconds. He finished and then looked up into my eyes to say, "Thank you. Have a good day." Richard's eyes were old, but they weren't tired.

We walked out to the car and I bawled like a baby. Rob asked what was wrong. I explained, and then admist angry tears I shouted, "My grandpa SHOULDN'T be working at KROGER!" I cried some more. "But that's crazy," I said. "I don't even know the man."

When I got home I talked with my Dad about the old man I'd seen, how he'd reminded me of Grandpa (my Dad's Dad), and how I'd cried. My Dad went into politics, the changes in the economy, and the disappearing retirement packages. No encouraging words about how maybe Richard wanted to be working, out of boredom. Let's be honest: he probably was there because he had to be.

And in that moment I firmly decided: Too few of our elderly are taken care of.

My grandpa should NOT be working at Kroger.

Ronald Reagan

I have been thinking lately about Ronald Reagan. Because conservatives talk about him like he was a political deity, and liberals think he was a putz. I'm not sure which one is right (quite possibly neither--most people are somewhere in between a deity and a putz), but I know that when I hear conservatives talk about Reagan, I wanna puke. He couldn't have been ALL THAT, right? I mean, the man was cute. But was he a good president? Was he a good man? I don't know.

As if in response to my pondering, Reagan was a pal and showed up in my dream last night. And there he was, cute as ever. All smiles. And he was getting ready to give a speech about the accomplishments of his presidency. Roomful of giggling women who weren't really listening to anything he was saying. And he was working the room with his charm. I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for him to answer my questions in his meaningful speech.

But he never got to his speech. He oozed charm and wooed the women, but he never answered my questions.

I wasn't angry (can you be angry with an apparition of a man who has passed away?), but I did sigh in disappointment when I woke up. What better chance will I get than a personal dream visitation?

Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wikipedia him.

Conscience of a Non-Commital Slightly-Left-of-Middle Liberal

I'm reading a book called The Conscience of a Liberal. I didn't find it on my own, it was suggested to me by my True Liberal friend, whom I love and adore, and with whom I have many great, non-stressful political discussions.

I thought, from the title, that I'd learn all about my conscience. Sort of a self-discovery process. But, no. It's not that I haven't learned anything about history or politics. In fact, I've learned a ton about FDR and his New Deal. But I've learned nothing helpful about myself.

Hold up, not true again. This is what I've learned about myself: I'm not a True Liberal. I'm not even very liberal at all. I'm sort of a slightly-left-of-middle liberal. The book touts the ideas of liberals, like every True Liberal should whole-heartedly agree with them. And maybe they do. Hence, maybe I'm not one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equality. But the question is what KIND of equality? Racial equality? Then whole-heartedly I'm liberal. Economic equality, meaning the equal distribution of income? Umm, I can't commit to that one. It's very Robin Hood-ish, and that's romantic. But I'm not sure I'm down with it.

Here's my entire problem with politics. I'm going to quickly lay it out, even though I'm pretty sure it makes me un-American (previously I've been calling myself socialist, since that pretty well equates with un-American, in most people's view, but I'll have to give that up. Socialist is DETERMINEDLY liberal). So at the risk of losing all my true blue American friends, here it goes.

I can't decide who's right. And I can't decide what I'm fighting for. Both parties call for us to hold true to the values that this nation was founded upon, and it's pretty un-American to admit that I'm not all for that. I mean, sure, this nation had some good ideas at the start, and has had some good ideas since. But it seems to me that we have forgotten ALL of the values that our country was founded upon. Seems to me that we founded this country upon the values of, among other things: mass murder, intolerance, and slavery. I'm proud to say that I'm not fighting for a return to those values.

Okay, so you say I should forget about those values. Only remember the GOOD ones. Except, isn't that missing the point?

And there's my main problem with politics. I think, most of the time, we're missing the point by a long mile. We're always taking politics out of context in a way that makes it nearly useless to discuss politics at all. Furthermore, we talk about politics like it's a cure-all, and we expect it to fix all problems. Even those fighting for less goverment expect the government to fix things. Which means, to me, politics often feels fake, forced, and ferocious: not my thing.

So I guess I shall remain a Non-Commital Slightly-Left-of-Middle Liberal. I'll take politics one issue at a time, thank you.

Inalienable Rights

Not sure how I feel about these inalienable rights of ours. The ones that our country was founded on. You know them:

"Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

Not sure that's what we're still founded upon. From the looks of current events, we only like to give people liberty to pursue a form of happiness that conforms to our expectations of what that life would look like. "Yes, you are free to pursue a life of happiness. So long as it's what I tell you happiness is."

At any rate, I'm not sure that "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" is how I would say it, if I were making up inalienable rights for myself. It's just not meaningful enough for me, personally (for our country it's great. Would I like the U.S. to stay free from tyrannical rule? Yes. Hurray for liberty!). So I thought of what I am pursuing for myself and came up with this alternative:

"Peace, love, and a sliver of sanity."

And that's what I'm pursuing.