Apparently I'm a little insecure. Last night was my second dream about a good friend being snotty.
It's getting old, sub-conscious.
(Sub-conscious says, "Noted.")
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Sam's Club
Today our Sam's Club membership has expired. We've had a membership for nearly the whole time we've lived in Cincinnati, and it's been good for us. But we haven't been using it as much lately, so we thought we'd see what it's like to be without a Massive Warehouse Store membership.
I only bring this up because apparently it's been on my mind: I dreamed about Sam's Club last night. In my dream, my friend wanted to go with me, and it was March 31st, the last valid day of my membership. My friend wanted to see if it would be worth her time to get a Sam's Club membership.
We walked around the store and (the store was insane, but that's beside the point, and) she kept nitpicking at all the stuff that was there. "This isn't worth purchasing." and "It's a better deal at Costco." On top of that, she kept getting lost in the store, or intentionally ditching me, and I was getting kinda frustrated about it. This person in real life is not a flake, so dealing with the flaky dream version of her was frustrating. (We would not be friends if she was like that in real life.)
Then I put myself on the line by saying that I really liked Sam's Club's canned chicken. I found it nice to have in our food storage for those times when I wanted to make a quick meal. She was all snotty about that, too! "You can't take another half an hour and cook a chicken breast?" I tried to explain that sometimes it was nice to make a meal in 10 minutes. She was unimpressed. Then I brought up the benefits of having canned meat as part of a long-term food storage plan, and she half-heartedly accepted that reason for having canned chicken.
She got lost again, and the next time I found her, her cart was full of stuff to buy and she'd decided to get a Sam's Club membership. What got me, though, was that her cart was full of stuff like Easy Mac. That's the macaroni-and-cheese that comes in individual servings and that you make in the microwave. I was thinking, "Alright, that's gotta be about a bajillion times worse than canned chicken!"
And that was my Sam's Club dream.
(And since I know you read this blog, here's a shout out to Tricia. Thank you for not being a flake in real life.)
I only bring this up because apparently it's been on my mind: I dreamed about Sam's Club last night. In my dream, my friend wanted to go with me, and it was March 31st, the last valid day of my membership. My friend wanted to see if it would be worth her time to get a Sam's Club membership.
We walked around the store and (the store was insane, but that's beside the point, and) she kept nitpicking at all the stuff that was there. "This isn't worth purchasing." and "It's a better deal at Costco." On top of that, she kept getting lost in the store, or intentionally ditching me, and I was getting kinda frustrated about it. This person in real life is not a flake, so dealing with the flaky dream version of her was frustrating. (We would not be friends if she was like that in real life.)
Then I put myself on the line by saying that I really liked Sam's Club's canned chicken. I found it nice to have in our food storage for those times when I wanted to make a quick meal. She was all snotty about that, too! "You can't take another half an hour and cook a chicken breast?" I tried to explain that sometimes it was nice to make a meal in 10 minutes. She was unimpressed. Then I brought up the benefits of having canned meat as part of a long-term food storage plan, and she half-heartedly accepted that reason for having canned chicken.
She got lost again, and the next time I found her, her cart was full of stuff to buy and she'd decided to get a Sam's Club membership. What got me, though, was that her cart was full of stuff like Easy Mac. That's the macaroni-and-cheese that comes in individual servings and that you make in the microwave. I was thinking, "Alright, that's gotta be about a bajillion times worse than canned chicken!"
And that was my Sam's Club dream.
(And since I know you read this blog, here's a shout out to Tricia. Thank you for not being a flake in real life.)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Being My Own Husband's Girlfriend
Things have been stressful around here lately. If you've read my Thackering blog posts, this should be obvious, because when I'm stressed I deal with it SO WELL. I start wishing I were dead, which is, I'm sure, the most positive way to deal with my stress. I start wishing that everything around me were changed or gone. Screw my house, my kids, my husband, my furniture, my life.
Stress and I aren't best friends.
During all this, I've been talking to my husband, Rob, about how things have been going. About the stress taking its toll, and about wanting to keep myself on the good side of the Sanity Line. For a while, it was close. But Rob is very supportive. I told him that I needed him to step up his game in terms of shouldering more of the emotional strain. He reacted immediately. Rob is amazing.
Amazing or not, though, I'm tired. Tired of living and tired of being tired and just Tired. When I say it in other terms, I feel lame. But it's the way it is, so I'll let it be.
I had a few dreams. Strange dreams. In the first one, I was engaged to Rob, but I had decided to call it off. There we were, in our house (we'd already bought a house together), with all our family present to hear our I Do's, and I wasn't sure I wanted to get married after all. I was in some distress. I knew I loved him, but I didn't want to say yes.
So in my dream Rob got really, really charming. He pulled out his "resist these if you dare" puppy dog eyes. The ones that make it obvious how much he adores me. And then he held me in his arms until I melted and he whispered in my ear, "Say 'yes.'" I said, "No." And he whispered in my ear until all my defenses were gone, what little I had left after being blasted with lovey-dovey love, and I said yes.
And then I was happy.
In the next dream, a week later, Ross, a kid I grew up with, asked me to marry him. He declared his everlasting devotion to me. And then he said this, which was a weird thing to say, "And if you can't agree to be my wife, then will you at least be my girlfriend?" Who asks that? Then he gave me those "resist these if you dare" puppy dog eyes and I knew that Ross was really Rob.
But I was torn, in this dream. I knew I loved him, but I also knew I didn't want to marry him. I kept thinking, "No, no, no. It's too much. It's too hard." And he'd look at me, from across the room, with those eyes and that smile. And I'd want to cry because I felt so bad that this man wanted so desperately to marry me and make me happy, and I was in so much distress over it.
So I said, "I can be your girlfriend. That's easy. I love you." And Ross/Rob said, "I knew that'd be easy." And then I went on to tell him that I didn't know if I could marry him, love or not. And Ross/Rob was okay with that. He just wanted to be with me.
This was a disturbing dream. At least in the first one I eventually said yes.
And so I talked to Rob about it, in real life. I told him that the dream was really just a reflection of what I've been feeling but not wanting to say. Things are hard right now and I'm a little mad about it, and I'm not happy with it, and even though I have no reason to call anything quits, it sounds "good" in some ways. To walk away from the stress, and then everything would go away.
And, again in real life, Rob looked at me and said, "Will you marry me?" We have been asking each other this question every month or so since we got married. Usually it's me asking him, BEGGING him, to marry me. He always says yes. But that day it was Rob asking me and I said no. He asked me again. I said no again, but that I'd take care of his kids.
Rob's eyes changed just a little. It took me half a second to realize what that change was, but then I knew it: his eyes were registering pain. Rob was hurt. (What kind of man feels hurt and the only indication is a slight change in his eyes? Seriously, this man is amazing.) And so I said, like in my dream, "I'll be your girlfriend." Rob was okay with that.
Let me tell you that, after spending a few intimate moments with this man, refusing to be his wife while in reality BEING his wife, and with him so desperately wanting me to love him back and be his forever, I felt SO BAD. Less than half an hour's time passed before I told him I'd be his wife again.
Lessons learned:
1 - The stress has got to stop.
2 - I'm half-crazy.
3 - Rob is irresistable.
( ... And the next night I had a typical married-to-Rob dream. We were married and trying to figure out High School. This is a recurring dream of mine: trying to navigate High School while being married to Rob and sometimes also trying to figure out day care for our kids. Clearly, this dream means that "I loved Rob before I met him" (in real life I didn't know Rob in high school), and also that I really, truly hated High School. )
The End
Stress and I aren't best friends.
During all this, I've been talking to my husband, Rob, about how things have been going. About the stress taking its toll, and about wanting to keep myself on the good side of the Sanity Line. For a while, it was close. But Rob is very supportive. I told him that I needed him to step up his game in terms of shouldering more of the emotional strain. He reacted immediately. Rob is amazing.
Amazing or not, though, I'm tired. Tired of living and tired of being tired and just Tired. When I say it in other terms, I feel lame. But it's the way it is, so I'll let it be.
I had a few dreams. Strange dreams. In the first one, I was engaged to Rob, but I had decided to call it off. There we were, in our house (we'd already bought a house together), with all our family present to hear our I Do's, and I wasn't sure I wanted to get married after all. I was in some distress. I knew I loved him, but I didn't want to say yes.
So in my dream Rob got really, really charming. He pulled out his "resist these if you dare" puppy dog eyes. The ones that make it obvious how much he adores me. And then he held me in his arms until I melted and he whispered in my ear, "Say 'yes.'" I said, "No." And he whispered in my ear until all my defenses were gone, what little I had left after being blasted with lovey-dovey love, and I said yes.
And then I was happy.
In the next dream, a week later, Ross, a kid I grew up with, asked me to marry him. He declared his everlasting devotion to me. And then he said this, which was a weird thing to say, "And if you can't agree to be my wife, then will you at least be my girlfriend?" Who asks that? Then he gave me those "resist these if you dare" puppy dog eyes and I knew that Ross was really Rob.
But I was torn, in this dream. I knew I loved him, but I also knew I didn't want to marry him. I kept thinking, "No, no, no. It's too much. It's too hard." And he'd look at me, from across the room, with those eyes and that smile. And I'd want to cry because I felt so bad that this man wanted so desperately to marry me and make me happy, and I was in so much distress over it.
So I said, "I can be your girlfriend. That's easy. I love you." And Ross/Rob said, "I knew that'd be easy." And then I went on to tell him that I didn't know if I could marry him, love or not. And Ross/Rob was okay with that. He just wanted to be with me.
This was a disturbing dream. At least in the first one I eventually said yes.
And so I talked to Rob about it, in real life. I told him that the dream was really just a reflection of what I've been feeling but not wanting to say. Things are hard right now and I'm a little mad about it, and I'm not happy with it, and even though I have no reason to call anything quits, it sounds "good" in some ways. To walk away from the stress, and then everything would go away.
And, again in real life, Rob looked at me and said, "Will you marry me?" We have been asking each other this question every month or so since we got married. Usually it's me asking him, BEGGING him, to marry me. He always says yes. But that day it was Rob asking me and I said no. He asked me again. I said no again, but that I'd take care of his kids.
Rob's eyes changed just a little. It took me half a second to realize what that change was, but then I knew it: his eyes were registering pain. Rob was hurt. (What kind of man feels hurt and the only indication is a slight change in his eyes? Seriously, this man is amazing.) And so I said, like in my dream, "I'll be your girlfriend." Rob was okay with that.
Let me tell you that, after spending a few intimate moments with this man, refusing to be his wife while in reality BEING his wife, and with him so desperately wanting me to love him back and be his forever, I felt SO BAD. Less than half an hour's time passed before I told him I'd be his wife again.
Lessons learned:
1 - The stress has got to stop.
2 - I'm half-crazy.
3 - Rob is irresistable.
( ... And the next night I had a typical married-to-Rob dream. We were married and trying to figure out High School. This is a recurring dream of mine: trying to navigate High School while being married to Rob and sometimes also trying to figure out day care for our kids. Clearly, this dream means that "I loved Rob before I met him" (in real life I didn't know Rob in high school), and also that I really, truly hated High School. )
The End
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Resolving Dreamy Conflicts
This morning I came up with the zaniest idea of my entire life. Seriously, it'll take a long time for me to come up with a zanier idea. But that's not what I'm posting about.
For the last month or so I've woken up repeatedly in the middle of the night with the strong impression that I was having an unresolvable conflict in my dreams. I remember feeling very uneasy about it all as I fell back asleep. I would wake up in the morning with the understanding that 1- it was all vividly clear in my dreams, and 2- it involved my brother Justin.
I wish I could explain it all, but I am unable to do so, even for myself. I would wonder, briefly, how to resolve such a problem, when the problem wasn't even real, and I couldn't remember it anyway. I think that if you could have had a conversation with me at 2 in the morning, while I was still half-asleep, I could have explained it all, and it would have made sense. But in Real 100-Percent Awake Land, it wasn't real at all.
And yet the conflict continued.
And then, about a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew that the conflict had been resolved! I have no idea how that happened other than that it also involved my brother Justin. In fact, he was directly responsible for clearing up the whole matter. And since then, I have woken up in the middle of the night smiling to myself as I turn over and fall back asleep.
So thank you, Justin, for resolving my unresolvable conflict. It's only a true friend who can do such a thing.
For the last month or so I've woken up repeatedly in the middle of the night with the strong impression that I was having an unresolvable conflict in my dreams. I remember feeling very uneasy about it all as I fell back asleep. I would wake up in the morning with the understanding that 1- it was all vividly clear in my dreams, and 2- it involved my brother Justin.
I wish I could explain it all, but I am unable to do so, even for myself. I would wonder, briefly, how to resolve such a problem, when the problem wasn't even real, and I couldn't remember it anyway. I think that if you could have had a conversation with me at 2 in the morning, while I was still half-asleep, I could have explained it all, and it would have made sense. But in Real 100-Percent Awake Land, it wasn't real at all.
And yet the conflict continued.
And then, about a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew that the conflict had been resolved! I have no idea how that happened other than that it also involved my brother Justin. In fact, he was directly responsible for clearing up the whole matter. And since then, I have woken up in the middle of the night smiling to myself as I turn over and fall back asleep.
So thank you, Justin, for resolving my unresolvable conflict. It's only a true friend who can do such a thing.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The Mountain Dream
Rob says I should start writing down some of my dreams, since quite often they come with some sort of analogy. I sort of shrugged at his idea and he said, "I'm serious." So I thought I'd start recording them on here. Feel free to not read them if you don't want. Some of them are interesting only to me, I'm sure.
The Mountain
(A lot of my dreams involve climbing a mountain and are clear analogies about the journey of life. I'm always with different people and the mountain is often different, but the basic plot line is often the same. Here's the most recent Mountain dream, as an example.)
I was hiking up a distant mountain with my family. I specifically remember most of my siblings and my dad. We were camping out on the way, and we were several days into the trip already. The mountain was some sort of Most Mountain: Tallest, Hardest, Most Important. Like Everest, except we were all hiking with only light backpacks and it wasn't cold. The conditions during the day wouldn't kill us, but if we weren't in a safe place at night, we would freeze to death.
We woke up at sunrise on a very pleasant morning and my dad announced that today was the Last Day. We had to reach the mountain, climb up it, back down, and back to the campground by nightfall. The mountain still looked a ways off to me, and I told my dad that I wasn't sure we had enough time to do all that. He waved off my concern and told me "it was easy."
So we started walking across a very flat, barren valley towards the mountain. And suddenly there were a ton of people packed on the trail, all headed towards The Mountain. We reached the summit quicker than is physically possible in real life, and started climbing up a metal spiral staircase. I admired the structure and how sound it looked, even though I saw no end to it. At first the staircase was easy. There was only one direction to take, and it was easy going. Three sides went up at a quick pace, and the fourth would slant down just a little, to make it easier to keep climbing, I figured.
Pretty soon I realized the staircase was misleading. We were backtracking, not on purpose, and people were getting lost. The staircase was a test. Each level got harder and the tests were more complicated. At first there was consensus amongst the family members about which way we should go, and figuring out which way lead forward wasn't too complicated.
And then the staircase lead into a room. It was a 1950's themed room with an old black and white TV and a radio that was broadcasting a baseball game. There were only two doors in the room: the one we entered, and the other that obviously lead to where we needed to go. Two guardians of the room let us know that there were clues to be found so we could figure out how to open the other door. It had no handle.
My Dad and my sister set about frantically trying to figure out this puzzle of a room. They were analyzing clues and taking everything in. I, on the other hand, pretty much gave up, got used to the idea of being there for a while and took off my shoes. I was then thinking of seducing the guardian as a way to get him to open the door for me. I was nearly executing this plan (which the guardian was all for) when a woman on the other side of the door opened it for us, thereby saving me from my abhorrent moral choice.
Most of the people in the room nearly ran through the open door to the next puzzle room. But I had to wait and put my shoes on and therefore saw the reaction of my father and my sister. Their reaction couldn't have surprised me more. They almost refused to go through the door, and they were angry that it opened at all. They had been determined to figure out the puzzle, and the open door frustrated them. They were supposed to SOLVE THE PUZZLE!
The next room had 2 exit doors and for the first time we disagreed on which way to go. Everyone was in a panic and some of my family had run off. Run ahead, run back, or run astray, I didn't know which. A few of us were with it enough to try to decipher the next room. It had two stairways going up, and we had to figure out the puzzle to see which one was the true staircase. The other lead to a trap. The room was a sort of mirage and such a good deception that we couldn't come to a common consensus as to which way was the right way. I came to my conclusion, and felt very very strongly about it. I set about trying to explain it to my brother who disagreed with my assessment. I was successfully convincing him that my understanding was correct when I woke up.
I offer no further explanation.
The Mountain
(A lot of my dreams involve climbing a mountain and are clear analogies about the journey of life. I'm always with different people and the mountain is often different, but the basic plot line is often the same. Here's the most recent Mountain dream, as an example.)
I was hiking up a distant mountain with my family. I specifically remember most of my siblings and my dad. We were camping out on the way, and we were several days into the trip already. The mountain was some sort of Most Mountain: Tallest, Hardest, Most Important. Like Everest, except we were all hiking with only light backpacks and it wasn't cold. The conditions during the day wouldn't kill us, but if we weren't in a safe place at night, we would freeze to death.
We woke up at sunrise on a very pleasant morning and my dad announced that today was the Last Day. We had to reach the mountain, climb up it, back down, and back to the campground by nightfall. The mountain still looked a ways off to me, and I told my dad that I wasn't sure we had enough time to do all that. He waved off my concern and told me "it was easy."
So we started walking across a very flat, barren valley towards the mountain. And suddenly there were a ton of people packed on the trail, all headed towards The Mountain. We reached the summit quicker than is physically possible in real life, and started climbing up a metal spiral staircase. I admired the structure and how sound it looked, even though I saw no end to it. At first the staircase was easy. There was only one direction to take, and it was easy going. Three sides went up at a quick pace, and the fourth would slant down just a little, to make it easier to keep climbing, I figured.
Pretty soon I realized the staircase was misleading. We were backtracking, not on purpose, and people were getting lost. The staircase was a test. Each level got harder and the tests were more complicated. At first there was consensus amongst the family members about which way we should go, and figuring out which way lead forward wasn't too complicated.
And then the staircase lead into a room. It was a 1950's themed room with an old black and white TV and a radio that was broadcasting a baseball game. There were only two doors in the room: the one we entered, and the other that obviously lead to where we needed to go. Two guardians of the room let us know that there were clues to be found so we could figure out how to open the other door. It had no handle.
My Dad and my sister set about frantically trying to figure out this puzzle of a room. They were analyzing clues and taking everything in. I, on the other hand, pretty much gave up, got used to the idea of being there for a while and took off my shoes. I was then thinking of seducing the guardian as a way to get him to open the door for me. I was nearly executing this plan (which the guardian was all for) when a woman on the other side of the door opened it for us, thereby saving me from my abhorrent moral choice.
Most of the people in the room nearly ran through the open door to the next puzzle room. But I had to wait and put my shoes on and therefore saw the reaction of my father and my sister. Their reaction couldn't have surprised me more. They almost refused to go through the door, and they were angry that it opened at all. They had been determined to figure out the puzzle, and the open door frustrated them. They were supposed to SOLVE THE PUZZLE!
The next room had 2 exit doors and for the first time we disagreed on which way to go. Everyone was in a panic and some of my family had run off. Run ahead, run back, or run astray, I didn't know which. A few of us were with it enough to try to decipher the next room. It had two stairways going up, and we had to figure out the puzzle to see which one was the true staircase. The other lead to a trap. The room was a sort of mirage and such a good deception that we couldn't come to a common consensus as to which way was the right way. I came to my conclusion, and felt very very strongly about it. I set about trying to explain it to my brother who disagreed with my assessment. I was successfully convincing him that my understanding was correct when I woke up.
I offer no further explanation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)