"Marius von Senden, reviewing every published case [of restoring sight to an adult who had been blind his whole life] over a three-hundred-year period in his classic book Space and Sight (1932), concluded that every newly sighted adult sooner or later comes to a "motivation crisis"--and that not every patient gets through it. He tells of one patient who felt so threatened by sight (which would have meant leaving the Asylum for the Blind, and his fiancee there) that he threatened to tear his eyes out; he cites case after case of patients who "behave blind" or "refuse to see" after an operation, and of others who, fearful of what sight may entail, refuse operation (one such account, entitled "L'Aveugle qui refuse de voir," was published as early as 1771). Both Gregory and Valvo dilate on the emotional dangers of forcing a new sense on a blind man--how, after an initial exhilaration, a devastating (and even lethal) depression can ensue."
I identified with this paragraph. Not that I've ever had a previously unavailable sense restored, but I think I have had (and continue to have) moments of what he calls a "motivation crisis." Times when I have to decide if I want to move forward or not, and if I do want to, WHY. Times when it hasn't seemed worth it to leave my comfortable world behind in search of a better one ahead. Times when I've wanted to tear out a piece of myself, some knowledge or truth or gift, because life would just be easier, simpler, without it.
But I think that's what we're called to do. We're asked to make it through the Motivation Crisis and move ahead to a better place. And I don't know why, but sometimes that just seems so hard to do.
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| Oliver Sacks |
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