Sometimes Life Drives Me Crazy!

Sometimes I wake up and it just doesn't seem like this is what I want.  (What is "this" anyway, and why is it worth fighting for?)  I've built my life around these ideals, these ideas, and usually it's crystal clear to me why I'm doing it all.  But sometimes I wake up and it's all a mess.  I don't want to live my life, I don't want to even think about my life.  I'm all anger and disappointment and blah.

I've learned, on days like this, to just keep moving.  Keep doing what I know will make me happy in the long-term, even if I'm unhappy in the short-term.  I know that a few days later I will be glad that I didn't screw over my life because I had one down day.  And usually I'll realize that it wasn't any outside force making me unhappy, and truly, I wasn't unhappy at all.  Just down for a day.

Sometimes it seems very important to me, that I don't know what's going on.  Shouldn't it be important that I hate my life?!  ...  It would be important, if it wasn't such a silly thing.  I can't even identify what it is that I'm hating.  I think sometimes I just hate the routine.

I've always hated routine.  I cringe at the word.  In High School I would nearly get lost traveling on roads that I didn't know.  I just couldn't stand going the same way home every day.  When I had a baby and they talked about routine being a baby's best friend, I wanted to die.  Why would my baby love routine when I don't?!  And even still, I have days when I beg Rob to do something with me that doesn't make any sense, just because it's not what we normally do.

Problem:  Rob isn't spontaneous or excitable.  Which isn't a problem at all, really.  In fact, it's why I married him!  He's steady, 100% of the time.  He'll always be where he should be, when he should be.  Always.  It's a little boring, but it's so not what I am, and I need it.  But sometimes I want Rob to just DO something or BE something that he's not. 

Maybe it's a game?  Maybe I just want to see if he can do it? 

Sometimes he comes through.  Sometimes we do something fun and illogical and counter-productive.  Sometimes he comes home bouncy and fun and dancing and crazy.  But sometimes nothing changes at all.  And then I just get over it and move on and it's not a big deal in the end.

What's wrong with me?!  Something must be wrong with me.