I don't know what's wrong with me.
You can hear me say that for 3 days out of the month. Over and over and over, for those 3 days. It's awful and I try to laugh about it, but really I want to rip someone to shreds and/or laugh and/or cry and/or go to sleep for days. I can feel violent and vulnerable at the same time. I wish I were dead. I can feel bitterness and anger towards people that never deserved a piece of it--towards ANYONE, really.
That's the Depression part.
And for 3 days of the month I have more energy than I know what to do with. Passion, spontaneity, life, love. I could accomplish anything. I talk non-stop. I dream like a high schooler. I clean the whole house in about 2 hours. I am patient and ridiculously easygoing with my children. I jump around boxing the air and leap into Rob's arms, laughing. Nothing can faze me. I'm on top of the world.
That's the Manic part.
But for the other 22 days in a 28 day cycle I'm just normal Tamra. Not manic. Not depressive. Just normal.
I despise the depressive stage. I adore the manic stage. But I like normal Tamra the best.
Being a woman sucks. I have been wondering if, when I die, I can face God (or the Devil, whichever I end up meeting) and say, "So, WHY AGAIN did I have to go through all this woman stuff? Couldn't you have designed women better?" I'll say that right before I grovel at His feet and say that I know all things were for my good.
No comments:
Post a Comment