And then I read these paragraphs in The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz. They're more or less randomly inserted in the book as a pet topic of Schwartz's. He does this often (don't buy a Kia, and we can't change the fact that we're fat) but this one was the most interesting to me since it aligns most closely with what I think myself. Which means it must be genius. Ahem:
"I'm fortunate to teach at a college that attracts some of the most talented young people in the world. While students at many colleges are happy to discover a subject to study that not only do they enjoy but that will enable them to make a living, many of the students I teach have multiple interests and capabilities. These students face the task of deciding on the one thing that they want to do more than anything else. Unconstrained by limitations of talent, the world is open to them. Do they exult in this opportunity? Not most of the ones I talk to. Instead, they agonize: Between making money and doing something of lasting social value. Between challenging their intellects and exercising their creative impulses. Between work that demands single-mindedness and work that will enable them to live balanced lives. Between work they can do in a beautifully pastoral location and work that brings them to a bustling city. Between any work at all and further study. With a decision as important as this, they struggle to find the reasons that make one choice stand out above all the others.
"In addition, because of the flexibility that now characterizes relations among family, friends, and lovers, my students can't even use obligation to other people as a way to limit their possibilities. Where the people they love are located and how close to them they want to be are just more factors to be entered into the decision, to be traded off against various aspects of the jobs themselves. Everything is up for grabs; almost anything is possible. And each possibility they consider has its attractive features, so that the opportunity costs associated with those attractive options keep mounting up, making the whole decision-making process decidedly unattractive. What, they wonder, is the right thing to do? How can they know?
"As this chapter has shown, decisions like these arouse discomfort, and they force indecision. Students take time off, take on odd jobs, try out internships, hoping that the right answer to the "What should I be when I grow up?" question will emerge. One quickly learns that "What are you going to do when you graduate?" is not a question many students are eager to hear, let alone answer. It is hard to avoid the conclusion that my students might be better off with a little less talent or with a little more of a sense that they owed it to their families to settle down back home, or even a dose of Depression-era necessity--take a secure job and get on with it! With fewer options and more constraints, many trade-offs would be eliminated, and there would be less self-doubt, less of an effort to justify decisions, more satisfaction, and less second-guessing of the decisions once made."
I realized, after reading those words, that that's it! I didn't finish because I couldn't figure out which criteria was the Right Criteria to choose my Direction and eliminate other options. Do I choose the Most Noble Path, and if I do, which path is that? Everyone disagrees on that point. Do I choose the profession that will bring the most money? Do I choose the one that will bring the most worldly praise? ... I was supposed to "want" to be a professional, but I didn't WANT to be a professional. I'm a stress-avoider, so I can't be a professional. Ever. ... And some of my other choices, what I wanted to do, didn't make enough money for my loved ones to be happy with that choice. Besides, I had too much "potential" for that. It was below me.
Growing up, and especially in High School, I would tell my mom that I wanted to be mediocre. It was a dream of mine: Be mediocre. And I'm happy to say that I've pretty well achieved that. By the world's standards, I'm nothing special. Strangely, then, being mediocre makes me feel accomplished.
Take that, Life.
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| Schwartz |
I "stumbled" across your blog tonight and found your thoughts meaningfull, in that my daughter graduated from college one year ago and was without a job for 6 months and begrudgingly moved back home. She now works in a job that offers an income and is happy for it. But I know she worries about her future and, although I do my best to hide it, worries about my expectations for her.
ReplyDeleteI purchased the book you quoted from tonight and will read it and pass it on tho her.
Thank You
You'll have to let me know what you think of the book, then. I didn't love all of it, but the parts I did love, I REALLY Loved. When he talks about college, for instance (which he only does for those 3 paragraphs I quoted). When he talks about the maximizer/satisficer idea. When he talks about maximizing and how it relates to regret and depression. All fascinating, and well worth the read, in my opinion.
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