Life Has Meaning

Some days that's obvious to me.  Some days, for all my searching and pondering, it's just not.

When I was a teenager, and feeling completely lost, I couldn't wait to be an adult so I would Know things.  I felt like there would come some distinct time when I Understood and had it All Figured Out.  I imagined that time would be when I turned 21.  ... If you're older than 21 years old, I don't need to tell you that it just didn't happen.

I struggled with that for a long time.  About half the time I assumed that I was possibly crazy.  Didn't other people have things Figured Out?  What was wrong with me? 

Anyway, long story too short, I've come to terms with the fact that I probably won't ever Know things and have things All Figured Out.  I can see, as I age, gradual changes.  Tiny improvements, so that I can see over the course of a decade or so that I'm a better person than I was.  But there isn't ever going to be a time when I think, "Ah ha!  Now I Know things."  Not when I'm 50.  Or 75.  Or 100.  I'll still just be Tamra, trying to figure out what life is about and what I'm about.

But that's what makes life interesting.