Am I a Mother?

A mother is someone who, when there are 8 pieces of pie and 9 people, says, "I'm not hungry."

You guys ever heard that before?  I've remembered it since the moment I heard it because it struck me to the core. 

Clearly I am not a mother.

Cause you know what?  The mother in that quote, she probably made the freakin' pie.  And if I made a pie, you better BELIEVE I'm getting a piece of it.  You know who should go without?  The 2-year-old who couldn't care less if he gets a piece of pie or a piece of candy.  How does that not make sense?! 

Even if I expand this quote out to apply in a more general sense, I fail hard core.  My needs certainly don't come last.  Ever.  It's just not what I do. 

I started looking around.  In the circles I occupy, mothers give all they have and then some to their kids.  They don't wonder why they do it, or feel stuck in a rut.  They just give and are happy to do so.  Conference talks define these women, and it comes naturally to them.  All these characteristics of wonderfulness, then, were bestowed upon them at birth, ...  I clearly was standing in a different line in the Pre-existence when God was handing out personal characteristics.

I decided, over time, and with a smidgen of guilt, that I was simply not a mother.  Or, I guess, not the right kind of mother.  Not the way a mother should be.  Not a real mother.  However you want to put it.  Other mothers were Something Great and I was Something Less Than Great.

And while I have always known this about myself, I finally stopped fighting it:  I am a selfish person.  If selfless mothers give and give and give and don't think about themselves for a moment, then I obviously am not selfless.  I am selfish.

So imagine my delight and surprise when, as I was reading a required text for an on-line BYU class, I read this quote:  "Other-centeredness is the capacity to care for others and the maturity to allow others' needs to become equal or greater in priority than one's own."* 

Did you catch it?  EQUAL.  I did a double-take.  This means, then, that I can be a good mother if all I do is put my kids' needs on the same plane as my own?  Well, did and done!

So take a moment and be happy for me that I have re-claimed my Good Mother status.  I get a piece of pie, the baby gets a piece of candy, and everyone is happy.  As it should be.

* Quote from Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage by Jason S. Carroll